Desperation
by Yayoi Kei
Summary: Lately, Usagi-san has been paying less and less attention to Misaki and the younger boy doesn't like it one bit. Can he admit it though?
1. Chapter 1

This story takes place after the end of season 2.

_**Chapter 1**_

"Usagi-san?" Misaki whispered uncertainly, gently shaking his roommates shoulders.

"Usagi-san, it's morning, time to wake up!" he said a little louder this time. "Aikawa-san will have my neck if he doesn't get this done on time." he thought to himseld, remembering Usagi had an important deadline he had to meet and had yet to start. "Usagi-sa...AHN!" Misaki cried, finding himself pulled down face first onto the pillow next to his sleep deprived lover.

"Who's the naughty boy who knows better than to wake me up at this ungodly hour?" Usagi mumbled in his pillow, still holding Misaki down so their faces were almost touching.

"You know who it is, you just described me." Misaki tried desperately to pull himself up, but was pulled down even harder. Usagi rolled over and stared sleepily down at the struggling boy beneath him.

"Usagi-san come on!" Misaki tried in vain, "You have a deadline remember!"

"It can wait." Fully awake now, Usagi slipped his hand underneath Misaki's shirt and began to tease his nipples, causing Misaki to give a small grunt of pleasure.

"Ah...Usagi-san...wait! You don't have...time for this..." he gasped, trying desperately to squirm away from Usagi's inviting gaze.

Usagi ignored his lover's pleas and trailed his tongue up the middle of Misaki's stomach, enjoying the erotic noises the younger boy was trying desperately to repress. "I have all the time in the world for you...Misaki." he whispered huskily into the trembling boy's ear.

"Ah!" Misaki moaned. A hotness spread between his legs as Usagi gently pushed his shirt over his head, all the while whispering seductive words in his ear. "Usagi-san! Wait...we...can't..." Misaki desperately whispered, but cried out as Usagi nipped his ear and trailed his tongue slowly down his neck. Misaki could feel his entire body trembling as his lover explored the upper half of his body and placing hot kisses all over his skin.

Usagi trailed down further and started to remove Misaki's belt but stopped suddenly and jerked his head up. Misaki opened his eyes and looked at Usagi, a confused look on his face. Usagi's eyes widened in realization. "Misaki, when was my deadline?" he asked urgently.

"Day after tomorrow."

Usagi leapt up and scrambled around, gathering papers and his laptop in his arms.

"Sorry Misaki, I have to start working. You don't mind if I use my laptop at breakfast do you?"

Usagi strided steadily out of the room, leaving a bewildered Misaki lying on the bed half-naked.

"Huh...wait...wha..." Misaki started, his confusion turning to anger.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"

My first junjou fanfic ^^ at first I wasn't going to turn this into a story, it was just something I scribbled down while waiting for my laundry to be done. I think, however, that I can turn this into something! Please review and let me know what you think! :) ~Yayoi Kei


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

After relieving his wounded pride in the bathroom, Misaki trudged sullenly down the steps to find Usagi typing rapidly at the table. "Since when is he so in to meeting his deadline on time?" he wondered to himself as he opened the fridge to get breakfast prepared.

Completely lost in thought, Misaki was only vaguely aware of what he was doing. He put his hand on the pan handle to keep it steady while he turned the bacon, but leaned on it too hard in his absent-mindedness, and the grease slid down the pan and washed all over his hand.

"AH!" he cried out in pain, and jerked his hand back quickly.

The novelist's head snapped up at his lover's cry, and ran quickly to the younger boy's aid. He grabbed a hold of Misaki's hand, turned on the faucet, and shoved the boy's hand under the running water, remembereing what to do from his numerous incidents of pouring hot coffee into the wrong glass and having it explode. "Misaki!" he exclaimed. "Are you alright? Do you need to go to the hospital? Should I call someone?"

The questions were endless as Misaki tried his best to regain his composure. "Usagi-san, I'm fine!" he managed to interject. "I was just surprised is all."

The older boy stared down at his lover's face, which was beet red and streaked with tears. He grabbed the teary boy by the arm, avoiding his injured hand, and pulled him into a hug.

"I was so scared." He whispered. "I can't stand the thought of you getting hurt."

"Ah, it's the same Usagi-san." Misaki thought, a wave of relief washing over him as he shut his eyes and breathed in Usagi's scent.

Suddenly, he felt himself being pushed away. He looked up and saw Usagi's face coming closer to his. "He's going to kiss me!" he realized, and closed his eyes in anticipation.

Usagi had leaned in to grab the first aid kit that had been on the shelf behind Misaki's head. When he pulled back, he looked down to find Misaki's eyes closed and his face scrunched up. "Misaki?" he asked, hesitantly. The younger boy's eyes snapped open and he looked up in confusion. "Are you sure you're alright?" he continued with a concerned look spreading across his face.

Misaki looked down and saw the first aid kit in Usagi's hand. Realizing what happened, his face got even redder, this time, from embarrassment.

"Aha...haha...Uh, yeah, I'm fine!" he laughed, his face burning. "Uh, here! I'll do it myself!"

He grabbed the kit and, before Usagi could say anything, ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. "Oh my Goooooooood!" he yelled in his head, sliding down the back of the door and falling into a sitting position on the floor. "How could I be so stupid!"

8 hours later

When Misaki finally came out of the bathroom with his hand wrapped up, Usagi had already drifted up to his office. He didn't come out for lunch, so Misaki left a tray of food outside the office door. When it came to be the time to make dinner, Misaki opened the refrigerator to find it almost completely empty. "Oh." he said to himself. "I forgot I was supposed to go shopping today." He put his coat on and started to leave, but stopped, and looked towards the steps.

"I should ask Usagi-san what he wants for dinner."

He walked up the steps and into the office to find Usagi sitting at his desk typing, the empty tray on the floor by his chair. Misaki approached, cautiously, and started to ask his question.

"Usagi-san, I'm going to the store now. What would y-"

"Sorry, Misaki." Usagi said, cutting the boy off. "Could you please leave the room for now? I want to finish this by dinner."

Misaki froze. His mouth was still open in mid-sentence as Usagi continued to type away. He shut his mouth and lowered his head, fighting the urge to burst into tears.

"Fine." he choked out, and ran from the room, down the steps, and out the door.

"What's going on?" he thought, shocked, running down the concrete hill that led up to their apartment. The pounding of his footsteps and the wind blowing across his face made it impossible for the hurt boy to contain his tears any longer. His vision blurred as the tears escaped his eyes. So much, so, that he couldn't see he was running straight towards on-coming traffic. Just as he stepped foot on the curb, he turned his head when he heard someone scream:

"MISAKI-KUN!"

_**End Chapter 2**_

Author's note: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! ^^ I'm hoping to update every other day depending on my situation. Tomorrow I plan to update on my first story 'Can't Put a Price on Me.' Please review and let me know what you think! :) ~Yayoi Kei


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

Eri Aikawa, of Marukawa Publishing, was on her way out of the office when she had heard her phone ring. She was very surprised to hear Usami, Akihiko on the other line. She had started to wonder if he even remembered her number. Even more surprising, was that he had called her to say his manuscript was almost done and she could come by that night to pick it up. Seeing as he still had two days before the deadline, Aikawa started thinking that perhaps he had subjected himself to drugs. _I'd better go check this out right away. _

She ran from the office and started towards the apartment complex. She had just crossed the intersection when she saw a short brunette running full speed down the hill.

"Misaki-kun?" she called.

Only the boy didn't stop.

_He's headed straight for the road! _"MISAKI-KUN!"

Aikawa ran and grabbed the boy by the arm just as he was about to dash into the street. The two fell down on the sidewalk, both of them gasping for breath.

"Aikawa-san?" Misaki managed to say as he stood up and reached his hand out to help her up. She looked up and reached his hand out to help her up. She looked up at him for a second and then grabbed his hand to yank herself up so she was level with him when she gave him a big SMACK across the face.

"OW!" he exclaimed, putting his hand over his face. "What was that for!"

"That's for almost making me a witness to suicide!" she spit back. "What were you thinking! You of all people should know this intersection is dangerous! What was going through y-" Misaki's eyes started to well up, causing Aikawa to stop her well deserved lecture.

"Misaki-kun?"

Now that she had calmed down a bit, she could see that underneath the growing redness of the slap she gave him, the boy's face was streaked with drying tears. Misaki looked up and, seeing the concern growing on the editor's face, quickly scrubbed his face with his sleeve.

"It's nothing! Just, um, allergies! Well I need to go get food for dinner see you later Aikawa-san!"

With that, Misaki quickly ran off leaving a puzzled Aikawa behind. _What could have happened to make him so upset? _She looked up towards the apartment and started walking up the hill. _Whatever it is, I'm sure it's 100% HIS fault._

_..._

Aikawa stopped just before she unlocked the door to Usagi and Misaki's apartment and prepped herself. _OK! He is most likely...most .DEFINITELY out of his mind! I need to keep calm and focus!_ She turned the key and banged through the door.

"Usami-sensei!"

"I'm right here. You don't have to yell."

Aikawa looked over to see Usagi sitting on the sofa, calmly watching television.

"Usami-sensei! What was the meaning of that phone call?"

"Exactly what I said."

"The manuscript is done?" she asked, unable to hide her disbelief.

"It's right here." He pointed over to two large stacks of paper that were resting on the coffee table.

"B-but...that's impossible! You still have two days till your deadline. Are you..." she leaned in to whisper, "...on drugs?"

"Of course not!" Usagi exclaimed, then mumbled, "Though that would probably help."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing." Usagi quickly reached over and grabbed a cigarette. Aikawa looked at him uncertainly. "Usami-sensei..."

"Hmm?"

"How are you and Misaki-kun doing?"

"Fine. Why?"

She hesitated. _How should I approach this? Well, since I brought it up, there's no going back. _I ran into him on the way here and he was..."

"He was?"

"...crying."

Usagi choked on his cigarette.

"Usami-sensei!" Aikawa rushed to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. She hurriedly ran back and tried to give the glass to him, but he pushed it away and looked up at her, his eyes teary from his coughing fit.

"What do you mean he was crying? He was perfectly fine when he left. Why didn't you bring him back, is he alright?" Usagi's eyes were blazing with worry. His Misaki...crying? Was it his fault? _Oh no..._he realized. _Maybe I went to far...No. I have to do this. Otherwise, he-_. A voice cut into his thoughts. "Oh, Aikawa-san."

The two looked over to see Misaki standing in the doorway holding groceries. He shut the door and walked over to them. "Are you joining us for dinner?" He glanced over at Usagi, who quickly shifted his eyes to the floor. _Fine, don't look at me! Do whatever you want! _Misaki thought angrily.

"No, I should really be going." Aikawa smiled at Misaki and leaned over to scoop up the manuscript. "I'll read this tonight and if we need to fix something I'll stop by tomorrow."

"Alright." Usagi replied quietly.

Misaki walked over to the kitchen counter and started unpacking the groceries. Usagi returned his attention to the tv. When Misaki turned to the fridge, Usagi stole a quick glance at the boy. _She's right. He does seem unsettled. Maybe it's ok..._"Misaki."

"Eh?"

Misaki turned around to find Usagi directly behind him. "Usagi-sa-" His words were stopped by Usagi's cool lips on his own. The older boy slid his tongue gently into Misaki's quivering mouth and wrapped his arms around the boy's waist. As the kiss deepened, Usagi pulled the boy's waist in so the space between them left little to the imagination.

"Usagi-san!" Misaki gasped as he pulled himself from his lover's warm and inviting lips. "I-I need to make dinner." Even though he said that, he wished with all his being that Usagi would ignore him and continue. "All right Misaki." Usagi replied, nonchalantly. He released Misaki and returned to the sofa where he continued to watch his show. Misaki stood frozen against the counter. Since when did Usagi listen to him when he said stop? _I don't understand...what's going on?_

Dinner was a quiet event. Neither boy looked at each other, and neither said a word. At the end, Usagi clapped his hands together and mumbled, "Thanks for the food." and stood up.

"Where are you going Usagi-san?" Misaki inquired. Ordinarily, Usagi would stay and help him clean up.

"Sorry, Misaki." he replied, walking up the steps and towards his office. "I need to start working on my next BL novel."

Misaki stared after him in disbelief. _Why is he so interested in his career all of a sudden?_

Misaki quietly cleared the table, washed the dishes, then attempted to watch tv. Finding relaxation to be impossible, he walked sullenly up the stairs, past the office, and into the bedroom that they shared. He flung himself onto the bed and, before he knew it, began to cry. He cried well into the night and eventually fell asleep from exhaustion. He slept soundly and didn't wake up when Usagi came to bed in the early morning.

Author's Note: First off, sorry for the late update _ I've been slacking a bit it seems ^^;; So far this is my longest chapter and I surprised myself. Like Usagi said when Misaki stumbled over his manuscript, "It practically wrote itself." please review and my next update will be chapter 3 of Can't Put A Price On Me! ~Yayoi Kei


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

Misaki woke up the next morning in a grumpy mood. "Why am I so frustrated? he asked himself as he set the table for breakfast. He had woken up at 6:00 and, finding himself unable to sleep for an extra half hour, decided to make an elaborate breakfast.

_It's almost time..._he looked anxiously up at the clock which read 6:58. He sat down and rubbed his hands together nervously.

6:58 became 7:00.

7:00 became 7:30.

By then, Misaki was a nervouse wreck. _What is he doing? He's never broken his promise with me before! _Unable to sit still any longer, Misaki went back to the bedroom and poked his head in. _Still asleep..._He stared sadly in at the sleeping man for a few minutes before shutting the door and walking slowly back to the table. At 8:00, Misaki was working on the dishes when a tired Usagi drifted in the room. Unsure of how to express his disappointment, Misaki greeted him with a short "Good Morning."

"Morning..." The older boy replied. Misaki watched him as he pulled out the bread and toaster.

"Pulled another all-nighter?" Misaki asked hesitantly, turning back to the dishes.

"Yeah." Usagi replied. "I'm sorry, Misaki. The time just got away from me.."

Misaki finished the dishes and turned to walk away when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him.

_Yeah, like that's going to make up for how you've been acting. _He pushed Usagi's arms and started to walk out the door, grabbing his bag along the way.

"Wait, Misaki!" Usagi called after him. "I'll drive you."

Misaki turned around to glare at him. "No need." he repied, and slammed the door behind him.

...

"You seem down."

Misaki turned to look at his friend, Sumi, Keiichi. Sumi was Misaki's first friend at Mitsuhashi University. He was also a potential rival when he went after Usagi. Things seemed to be normal after that but Misaki couldn't help but be suspicious of him from time to time.

"Why do you say that? I'm perfectly fine." Misaki replied, stretching his arms out to add emphasis.

"Hmm..." Sumi narrowed his eyes and smiled widely at Misaki. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Eh?" Misaki turned back to him in surprise. _How does he always know? _"Psh, hardly. Everything is fine!"

Sumi continued relentlessly, " You won't put out for him again?"

"No...that's not it..."

Even though he said that, Sumi refused to let him off. "Seriously, Misaki." he said, "When are you going to learn to be honest with yourself?"

Sumi's words rang in Misaki's head as Professor Kamijou began his lecture. Honest with myself? Why does that sound so familiar? _Oh...it's from that time Usagi-san confronted me about how I never once told him that I loved him. I'm pretty sure I've said it enough by now, right? _He continued to stare off into space, unaware of the multitude of books and chalk bouncing off his head as an angry Kamijou tried to get his attention. _Right...?_

_..._

After school, Misaki went to a bar with Sumi. After drinking for a bit, he ended up telling the bored Sumi everything that was going on. Frustrated with Misaki, Sumi left ahead of him, leaving Misaki to drink more. When he felt sober enough to leave, Misaki stumbled back to the complex.

He fumbled with the keyboard on the door, but couldn't think straight enough to remember the combination. _I must still be drunk...I'll knock. _He knocked on the door without realizing it was slightly ajar and the door swung open, revealing Usagi and Aikawa sitting on the sofa discussing the manuscript.

"Aikawa-san..." Misaki mumbled.

"Ah, Misaki-kun!" Aikawa exclaimed. "Welcome home!"

"I'm home..." He looked over at Usagi, who continued to look through his papers. _Jerk..._

Misaki swayed on the spot, staring at his lover who had yet to say 'Welcome home' to him. With each passing second, Misaki got angrier and angrier. Was it the alcohol that was making him feel this way? Or something else...?

_Why won't you look at me? Why won't you say anything to me? Why won't you hug me, kiss me,...love me? You've been talking non-stop to Aikawa-san, why not me?_

"Alright! Looks like we're done here!" Aikawa gathered the papers together and headed for the door, Usagi trailing behind her to open it for her. "See you tomorrow, Usami S-EN-SEI (heart)" Aikawa said cutely, winking at Usagi before walking away.

Misaki snapped.

"Eh..., what?" Usagi called after her. Before he could go after her though, Misaki grabbed him by the arm and slammed the door shut with his foot.

"Misa-?"

Misaki interrupted him, pushing him to the floor. "What did she mean by that?" he shouted angrily, pulling Usagi by the shirt so they were face-to-face. "What's going on? Are you having an affair with her? Is that why you haven't been paying attention to me? Why...won't you...say...anything..."

Drained from the alcohol and stress, Misaki fell forward onto a shocked Usagi. He began to tear up as he buried his face into the older boy's chest.

"Why..."

"Misaki..." Usagi whispered.

"I love you so much..." Misaki whispered quietly into Usagi's chest.

"What did you say?" The boy was so quiet, he wasn't sure if he had heard correctly. Misaki pushed away angrily and glared up at his stunned lover.

"I said I love you, you jerk!" he yelled. Usagi's mouth slowly turned up into a smile.

"You finally said it..."

"Eh?" Usagi pulled the boy up and hugged him tightly.

"Usagi-san?"

"I'm so sorry, Misaki. I'll never do this again."

Misaki pushed himself away so he could look at Usagi. "What's going on?" he asked. Usagi looked so relieve but, shouldn't it be the other way around?

"That time on the ferris wheel, when you told me that you loved me, I felt so happy. I never thought I could be this happy with someone. I wanted to hear you say it again."

_So it was about that..._

Usagi continued, "But you didn't say it again after that. I started to wonder if maybe I had cornered you into saying you love me."

"I wasn't-"

That's when I decided I wouldn't do anything."

"What do you mean, Usagi-san?" Misaki asked, still extremely confused.

"I didn't want to force myself on you." Usagi said, looking straight at Misaki. "I decided that, unless you said otherwise, I would try my best to not touch you."

"Eh? Usagi-san, that doesn't make sense!" Misaki exclaimed in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. All this time he thought that he might've made Usagi mad or something, but in fact Usagi thought that HE had done something wrong?

"Usagi-san, it seemed more like you were avoiding me." Misaki stated, his anger starting to come back. "You weren't talking to me, hell you were barely in the same room as me!"

"I couldn't be around you." Usagi replied softly, putting his hand to Misaki's cheek. "If I stay around you too long, Misaki, I want to hold you and kiss you."

Misaki felt an incredible warmth flow through his body. _No! I can't let him get away that easy! _He roughly pushed Usagi's hand away. "What about Aikawa-san then? Why was she flirting with you!"

"That was something she did on her own. I don't know what she meant by see you tomorrow."

"Eh?"

Usagi sighed heavily. "I get it now..."

"Get what?"

Usagi looked up, exasperated. "I told her what was going on because she said you were crying and I guess she decided to have some fun with you. I told you she was a devil in disguise."

Misaki turned red. "She...she said I was crying?" He quickly hid his face so Usagi wouldn't see how embarrassed he was.

"Misaki."

Usagi gently removed Misaki's trembling hands and gazed lovingly down at the younger boy's face.

"I love you."

Usagi leaned in and softly grazed his lips over Misaki's forehead.

"Ah, Usagi-san..." Misaki closed his eyes as the warmth once again returned .

"I'm sorry, Misaki" Usagi leaned in again, this time, going for the boy's lips, but Misaki jerked back suddenly and glared up at him.

"Misaki?"

"I'll tell you something." Misaki said, staring directly at Usagi. "I've told you this before but it seems like I need to say it again, and just so you know, this is the last time I'm saying it. You didn't force me to do anything. If I honestly didn't like you, I would've been long gone. I would never say I love you if I didn't mean it. Idiot!" Misaki grabbed Usagi by the head and pulled him down to plant a passionate kiss on his stunned lover's lips. He pulled back and looked at Usagi. "Got it!" he gasped, his face now completely red.

"Got it." Usagi replied huskily, pulling the boy into a crushing hug. He pulled his head back slightly to capture Misaki's lips with his own.

"Mmm..." Misaki moaned in his throat. Being ignored by his lover for just one day made this contact almost unbearable.

"Heh." Usagi laughed, pulling back. "Missed me that much?"

Misaki blushed. O-of course not! Jerk!"

Usagi smiled.

"I love you too."

_**~End**_

Author's note: I'd like to thank everyone who's given me reviews and encouraged me to keep going! And many thanks to Miyayu for the cookie rewards! =D ~Yayoi Kei


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